I used to be worse.

I did.

I used to not be able to concentrate enough to read. I could get by on the internet, mainly cause I was playing a game at the same time.

I used to not be able to watch tv shows. Either I couldn't focus or the content would fuck with my head. I became really good at faking this due to it being the primary past time of a then partner of mine.

Anyone who was in a position of authority made me cry. My first major panic attack was when a bus driver told me I had the wrong bus pass.

I could not keep my self-worth up. I could usually fake it enough to hang out with friends for an evening or get through a contra dance. Not always, though.

I really did believe the world and the people I knew in it would be better off without me there.



So, I need to be gentle with myself when I have the first big spiral into irrational thought I've had in months. I'm not who I used to be. I've fought to be where I am.