So, y'all. Tomorrow I turn 30. I've been ready for this for a while. Just to be cute and see what it got me, I posted to Facebook and Google+
Day and a half left in my 20's - what should I do? GO!
The fabulous Mr. John Fallon posted Can you remember what you did (or what you wanted to do) between 19 & 20? Revisit (or do) that!
What a doozy. So, let's go back to 2004, shall we?
I was a sophomore at Fairmont State University, in theater. I will still in a relationship with my high school sweetheart, Daniel.
I had some of the best friends I had ever had in my life. A theater family, even. Things with Daniel weren't perfect but he loved me and that's all the counted, right?
I vividly remember the day of November 12, 2004. It was the 4 year anniversary of my Grandma Birdie's passing and this was the first year I wasn't a wreck on that day. I had plans to do a double date with Daniel, Patrick and Laury, my theater dad and mom. Daniel had been in his 4th year of college when I started in the theater department and hadn't really had time to come see any of my shows (lies). But, it was important to me that he begin to get to know my friends and this was a great first step.
We arrived at the ever swank Mi Pueblo and ordered. He was a ball of nerves, more nervous that I had really ever seen him before. I thought How cute! He's nervous to meet my second set of parents! He gave short answers all night, and I found it pretty cute.
Once dinner was over, after about only an hour, we proceed back to his parent's house and there, in the living room with his parents there, he asked me to marry him. I cried and of course said yes and was very excited! I can't even remember if he came in to help me tell my parents the good news! This was about a year before I got Facebook, so I had to inform people the old fashioned way. We called all my family members and let them in on the news.
Monday rolls around and now it's time to start telling my friends. I remember seeing Amanda and telling her the news. All I can remember her asking was Have you told Mom (Laury)? I told her no and we marched the costume storage room. Laury was up on top of the rolling ladder, pulling down boxes when I delivered the good news. I've never seen her more hurt in my entire life. She looked like I had murdered a puppy in front of her and I was pretty sure I could see tears in her eyes.
Everyone was on egg shells around me. No one was happy. I knew we didn't have the best relationship but I was really worried that no one liked him. How would I be able to bring these two parts of my life together?
That Saturday, we had a bon fire/birthday party at my house to burn the homecoming float we had made that year (It was a giant wave, I don't remember why) and everyone from the department was invited. I also invited Daniel to start smoothing things over. My folks are pretty socially liberal and there was a rule that if you were going to partake on our property, just make sure you have a safe way to get home. I still had not had my first drink, mainly due to how straight edge Daniel had always been. We were going to not drink together!
The evening proceeds and Daniel isn't talking to anyone. No, he's using an axe to chop apart the float frame and was pretty much angrier with every chop. I finally go over to chat with him, to ask what's up. He stops, turns to me, and says:
I can not believe you would do this to me. I can not believe you don't care about my future.
Daniel had just graduated with a Political Science degree and wanted to get into politics. After more discussion he was worried that the police were going to come and bust up the party for underaged drinking. And then he would have that on his record, the record that would come back to haunt him as he tried to run for senator. He was going on and on about it, tears in his eyes.
And in that moment, I knew I had made a terrible mistake.
He could care less about my friends. All he wanted was me, the way he wanted me. He had always had issues with me having friends. In high school, he pushed a boy into a locker because the boy hugged me. I had really pushed away a lot of people and once I hit college, I had made an entire new set of friends. A new set of friends that he totally saw as a threat.
Over the next few months, I slowly got the the point that I could see the emotional abuse that was happening. He wanted me the way her wanted me: a housewife who wanted to have 2 children (that we had already named) who would be the perfect politicians wife. A month of so later, he told me not to get too stressed about the whole school thing because I was never going to work once he was in office.
I ended up leaving him in April 2005 because I got the offer to be an intern at Georgia Shakespeare and the only thing I could think of as I was getting off the phone with Margot was He will never let me go away for a whole summer. I cried in Patrick's office and knew what I had to do. I called him to my house and gave him back my engagement ring. It took me an hour and a half to get him to leave.
So, looking back, I am so much stronger than I use to be. So much healthier. So grateful (which still feels odd to say) that I went through something that bad to get to where I am today. I didn't like where I was shifting to my 20s.
I adore where I am shifting into my 30s.
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